What's left to lose
by Asher36
Summary: It doesn't have a summary, this literally just got written on a whim, out of sheer boredom, so there is no developed plotline, with all my fanfics usually I just write as it comes so just read and enjoy :)
1. Chapter 1

The moon rose high above the Soul Society, casting a soft glow down about Seireitei, where a slender, short raven-haired Soul Reaper perched on a roof, her big purple eyes fixed on the moon, hands settled on her knees, she couldn't sleep. She had too much on her mind to sleep, but she couldn't discover the source of her troubles once she came outside. It seemed to fade, and would soon be out of reach. She didn't understand why that happened to her; it just did. She let out a soft sigh, and rose to her feet, preparing to head back to the 13th squad barracks. If someone noticed that she had left her vice-captain badge back in the barracks people would wonder where she went. But she did this most nights, and her lack of sleep was starting to affect her. It wasn't too noticeable, the only one who seemed to notice how slow she was becoming was Renji, and he couldn't say anything since they weren't in the same squad.

She used flash step to return to the barracks, slipping into her room as quietly as she can manage. Her room wasn't well decorated; she had been living in the Kuchiki household for a long time, until she finally talked Byakuya into letting her live in the same barracks as her squad. She didn't want special treatment, and she suspected that her fellow squad members hated her for it. She wanted to prove that she didn't see herself above everyone else. But it was proving to be a vain attempt.

She sat down on her bed mat, and slowly pulled her zanpakuto off of her clothes, and sat her next to the mat, just within reach in case she needed to grab it and go. She didn't even bother to strip out of her Soul Reaper clothes, she was too tired to. She just laid down on her mat and drifted off to sleep.

_Rukia was back in Karakura Town. Which was weird because she was no longer the representative of this town, and probably would never be again. She drifted about the top of the trees, looking around. Then she realized something; it was back in the time she'd come to visit Ichigo, after he lost his powers and couldn't see spirits anymore. This actually hurt; she enjoyed being his friend, and now she couldn't be there for him, or be his friend anymore. She had to accept that fact; that's how it had to be since he used all his powers to defeat Aizen. Sometimes she wondered if there was any other way for him to beat Aizen, without using all his powers up. But it couldn't be avoided._

_She realized that she had drifted to the Clinic, hovering over it. She didn't notice when she got here; just that she was here. She drifted a little lower, wondering what was going on._

_Ichigo emerged from the building, in his school clothes, holding his bag over his shoulder in his typical way. As usual, he was walking with his friends, a scowl fixated on his face. This amused her since he always wore that scowl, and rarely smiled. She dropped down behind them, and started following the trio. _

_"__Where has Kuchiki gone anyways?" It was Keigo, talking to Ichigo._

_"__Back to Soul Society like I've told you thousands of times before." Ichigo growled at him. "Why do you have to keep asking?"_

_"__I'm right here, if only you could see me." Rukia said rather loudly._

_The boys kept walking, the third boy looked at Ichigo, the one that Rukia kept forgetting. "Don't you think she would at least visit?"_

_"__Why does it matter to you two? She is back where she is supposed to be, she never even lived here in the first place." Ichigo snapped at them both. "I don't see what the big deal is."_

_Rukia remembered this specific conversation from when she was observing him once. Before she was taken back to Soul Society because she was "slacking" on her hollow hunting duties, hence the representative reassignment. But there seemed to be something different now, as Ichigo's friends had disappeared, and the entire place went dark. There was a boom of thunder and suddenly it was raining hard. What was going on? This wasn't how she remembered things went._

_Ichigo just stood completely still in the torrent, his orange hair now flat against his head. He turned around, and seemed to look straight at her, but he was seeing straight through her. She could see the sorrow in his eyes, and she wondered why he felt like that. She'd seen the sorrow in his eyes on and off, but never so intensely before._

_"__Rukia." He said her name, and she stared at him stunned. He could see her?_

_She got her hopes up as he continued. "If you were here, you'd probably beat me up for turning into such a baby. And for not being able to protect anyone."_

_"__I'm right in front of you!" She shouted, waving her arms, but he turned away, and kept walking, and suddenly the scene returned to normal. "_ICHIGO!"

_He started to turn, to look…_

And then she jolted awake, the sun pouring into her room. There was a figure standing in the room, and as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, she could identify who it was.

"Renji. What are you doing here?" She stared at him as she belted her zanpakuto to her hip.

"Head Captain wants us to go to Karakura Town."

"Why us? It can't be for hollows, Ichigo's been taking care of that since we returned his powers to him."

"He just wants us to go." Renji said flatly. "I assume it's to keep us busy, but who knows?"

"Okay then." Rukia strode past him. "Let's go."

"Wait." Renji grabbed her shoulder, spinning her back around. "He wanted me to tell you that this is strictly business, meaning don't get distracted. We're there as Soul Reapers, not friends seeing old friends."

"I got that!" She shouted at him, jerking away from him. "Let's just go you stupid pineapple head."

A vein puffed up in his forehead and he looked pissed. "Yeah, whatever."

They both left her room, and headed for the gate to head into the world of the living.

"GOOD MORNING ICHIGO!"

Isshin came flying into the room, his fist flying towards his son's face. The orange haired teen shot up, grabbed his father's fist, and sent his open fist into his father's face, which sent him into the floor.

"Dad." He growled, fuming mad.

"I see you are aware as ever." Isshin groaned, holding his nose, lying on the floor. "Even half asleep."

"You're an idiot." Ichigo growled at him. "You really bug me, you know that right? Especially waking me up early, on a Saturday!"

Isshin didn't answer, he was in too much pain to say anything to his fuming son. Ichigo just stalked past his father, storming down the stairs. He was always in bad moods in the mornings, all thanks to his father's surprise attacks of which he easily stopped. But then he stayed in a bad mood forever. He lightened his tread when he went into the kitchen, which smelled good because Yuzu was finishing up making breakfast. This always lightened his mood, and then his dad would darken it again. Might as well jump on this while he still could. He noticed breakfast was already on the table, and Yuzu was nowhere to be found. She was probably getting dressed or waking Karin up. Ichigo sat down, and didn't dig in, because he knew if he started eating before everyone else showed up Yuzu would scold him for several minutes straight. He wasn't hungry enough to risk getting scolded by Yuzu. He'd rather wait for the others so he could go do his own thing, rather than get trapped at the table by his younger sister. It wasn't like he had anything planned; he just didn't want to stay in the house with his family all day. Or more specifically, his father.

After a few minutes, his sisters came downstairs. Yuzu, with her light brown hair, and then Karin, the slightly taller and raven-haired girl of the two. She wore a very similar expression to Ichigo, a scowl, but hers seemed less angry, and more just sulky. They sat down in their spots at the table and waited for their immature father to come join them.

"Did you hit dad too hard again?" Yuzu stared at her brother questioningly.

"The old man had it coming to him Yuzu, he attacked me first." Ichigo sighed, rubbing the back of his head. Then he saw the disapproval radiating from her face. "Seriously Yuzu, I was defending myself."

"You don't always have to hit him so hard Ichigo." She still had disapproval written all over her face.

"Geez Yuzu, you're overprotective." Karin cut in. "You know dad always jumps on Ichigo whenever he gets the chance."

Yuzu turned her big disapproving eyes on her sister. "Karin!"

"You know it's true. Yes, Ichigo does hit him a little hard, but I mean that's just Ichigo." Karin shrugged.

_Why you little…_A vein bulged on Ichigo's forehead and he glared at his dark haired sister. He thought she was siding with him, but she was just attacking him in her own way! He loved his sister's to death, but they could really be a thorn in his side sometimes. A thorn that wedges right in-between his ribs so deeply he can't pull it out. But that's how his family was.

Eventually, Isshin came barreling down the stairs, and very nearly plowed right into the table.

"Dad!" She shouted at the man she was just defending. "You almost knocked breakfast off the table."

He took his seat at the head of the table. "Sorry Yuzu."

Ichigo just grunted in annoyance and waited for his sisters to dish up breakfast, then put some own on his plate. The family ate in a semi-awkward silence. Ichigo was still fuming mad at his irritatingly childish father, but he couldn't change the way his family functioned. They may be irritating, but he loved them nonetheless.

Once Ichigo finished, he dumped his plate into the sink, thanked his sister for breakfast, and then ran upstairs to change. He threw on a red t-shirt and a pair of jeans, pulled his shoes on, then ran back downstairs and out the door before his family could question where he was running off to now. He always left the house without telling anyone where he was going. It was a really bad habit of his, but one he had yet to attempt to break.

Rukia hovered over the clinic, watching Ichigo bolt out of there like he was in a hurry to get somewhere. Knowing him, he just wanted to get away from his family. She wasn't surprised. He had a short fuze and they tended to burn it out rather quickly.

"Hey." Sudden smack to the back of her head. "Head Captain said not to get distracted."

Rage appeared on Rukia's face as she whirled around, planting her foot into Renji's face. "I know that you fool! Stop talking to me like I'm a complete idiot!"

Renji went skidding backwards, very nearly falling out of the air, but luckily he kept himself up. "What's the deal with coming to the Kurosaki clinic then? Nothing interesting is going on here?" He looked down. "I'm surprised that idiot hasn't picked up on us."

"He isn't even aware we're here, so of course he hasn't tried to pick up on our reiatsu." She scowled at Renji. "Who's getting distracted now?"

Renji clenched his teeth, his eyes narrowed in anger. "You little…"

He didn't get a chance to finish because his face met Rukia's foot once more, sending him bouncing backwards again. His nose was now bleeding, and he had to plug it with his hand. He was glaring daggers at Rukia.

"You are such a little nit pickety fool." She growled at him. "Why can't you relax a little?"

Renji didn't answer for a few minutes, he waited for his nose to stop bleeding. "Because we're here strictly on business."

"Did the head captain mention the business to you?"

"Yes he did."

Rukia glared. "What is it then?"

"We just have to make sure Ichigo is doing his job." When he saw Rukia's disbelief glare he waved his hands defensively. "He trusts him, we all do. He just wants to make sure he is being thourough."

"If he trusted him fully he wouldn't have sent us." She snapped.

He sighed. "I know…but he just wants to be sure. And…according to the science department, he has got a trace of hollow in his reiatsu once more. He just wants to make sure nothing happens."

"I thought the hollow was gone."

"When we restored his powers, the hollow probably came back."

"So what does he think Ichigo's gonna lose control and destroy everything?"

He shrugged. "Who knows?"

She grabbed Renji by the collar of his clothes and jerked him down to her face. "THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN! ICHIGO'D NEVER LET THAT HAPPEN!"

Renji's eyes moved slowly downward and then stopped. "Rukia, you shouldn't have been shouting."

Rukia looked downwards as well, to see brown eyes staring straight back up at her. Great, he heard her. She released Renji and put a hand over her face. She'd actually forgotten that the orange haired substitute had been below them and totally lost her cool. She needed to get a better handle on that. And now that she was studying his reiatsu…she did feel a slight distortion in his, one that hadn't been there when she first restored his powers. This was recent, and the distortion was only a small one, but definitely one of a hollow. This worried her a little bit. Did Ichigo even know that the hollow reiatsu was there? Or was he really so dense as to not notice something like that?

"Yo." Ichigo shouted from below. "What are you two talking about?"

Rukia didn't answer.

**A/N: I couldn't think of the honorific for older brother in Japanese. I know Karin usually says Ichigo or ichi-nii but I remember Yuzu usually uses the normal honorific but I can't remember for the life of me what it actually was. If someone could clear that up for me, that would be much appreciated.**

**This story was written completely on a whim, and therefore is not developed at all. Just bear with me, the storyline will develop as it goes along. Suggestions to how I can improve it are appreciated, even though this is just the first chapter, I have several other bleach and other fanfics I'm writing with this one, so mistakes will be made that I don't notice since i'm trying to write so much all at one time. Hope you enjoyed the story, and there will be more to come :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry this chapter took a while to write. It really shouldn't have but I haven't been able to write much lately I've got a fairly weird case of writer's block going on. So this chapter was difficult for me to get finished, but hey at least it's up now. I feel like it wasn't written as well as the first chapter and that there was still more dialogue than I intended but whatever. At least try to enjoy the chapter. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach**

Ichigo stared up at the two Soul Reapers, waiting for an explanation as to why he heard Rukia shouting about him, and what the heck they were doing there anyways? However, Renji just stared at Rukia, who had her face covered. He was beginning to wonder how long he was going to have to wait before she ever said anything.

"Yo, Rukia. What's going on? What are you guys doing her-" He got cut off as her foot smashed straight into his face, sending him tumbling backwards. He sat up and screamed at her. "Are you always going to greet me by kicking me in the face?!"

She crossed her arms and stared at him, a half smile on her face. "It wouldn't be a greeting from me if I didn't kick you in the face." Renji dropped beside her right then.

"Let's go somewhere more private to talk." Renji glared at Ichigo. "Last thing we need is for your stupid dad to end up in this conversa-" Renji got cut off because Ichigo's fist slammed into his face.

"I'm the only one allowed to call my dad stupid!" Ichigo snarled at him.

Renji glared at the pissed off orange haired teen. "Fine! Whatever. Rukia and I are here strictly on business, so if you wouldn't mind-"

"Renji." Rukia cut him off. "I would like to speak to Ichigo alone, so if you wouldn't mind going somewhere else."

Renji got this total annoyed look, but flash stepped to somewhere else. Ichigo cautiously watched the raven-haired Soul Reaper, wondering if she was about to hit him again. It had been a few months since they'd seen each other, after she had restored his powers, so he wouldn't be surprised if he got all beat up before lunch time. He'd have fun trying to explain what happened to Yuzu and his dad. Karin just wouldn't care too much.

"What's up?" He asked casually, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"Not here. Let's go elsewhere."

"If we go somewhere public, I'll look like I'm talking to nothing." Ichigo stated. "I don't want to look like a crazy person."

"That would be odd now wouldn't it?" And suddenly she slammed her hand into his forehead, knocking him clean out of his body. He tumbled backwards a few feet, then stood up and pulled his body into nearby bushes, disguising it well enough nobody would be bothered to notice it.

"You could've warned me you were about to do that!" He snapped at her right as she grabbed him by the hair and started dragging him away from the clinic.

"Oi! What are you doing? That hurts!" He shouted at her, and earned himself a kick to the stomach. She then continued dragging him by his hair and eventually leaped into the air.

"OUCH!" He screamed and jerked away, getting a tuft of his orange hair ripped out of his head in the process. "Careful Rukia!"

She suddenly paused where she was standing. She had her back to him. "Have you noticed anything strange going on with yourself lately?"

That was a weird question. "No, why?"

Her entire body tensed up and she closed her eyes. _Idiot, you are that dense_. She inhaled and exhaled slowly, turning to face him. "Nothing, I was just wondering."

"If this is all you had to talk to me about, then what's the deal with knocking me out of my body and sending Renji away?" Ichigo's characteristic scowl appeared. "What's the point?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing without Renji breathing down my spine about being here strictly on business and not to get distracted." She sighed. "We're here to make sure you're doing your job." _And monitoring the fact that your hollow reiatsu is growing_. She omitted that but even now standing there she noticed it had grown slightly stronger. How was Ichigo completely oblivious to that? He really was a dense idiot.

"Okay…so this was pointless…oof!" The minute pointless passed his lips her foot was driven straight into his gut, and he doubled over in pain. "Is…there anything else you need?" His voice was strained.

"Course not, now just go get back in your body, you idiot." She turned her back on him once more and he simply returned to his body, still wheezing in pain as he sat up.

_That was weird? Why would something weird be going on with me? I've been having weird dreams if that's what she wanted to know. But I can't tell her about those dreams—especially since they involve her! _He got to his feet and started walking in the general direction of the park, which is near where most of his friends lived. He'd find someone to do something with, take his mind off of Rukia being a weirdo.

Rukia had found Renji at the Shoten, talking to Urahara. She heard them talking about Ichigo's strange reiatsu and it turned out, the hollow reiatsu hadn't made an appearance until way early this morning.

"So, what you're saying is, the hollow's reiatsu is growing in a way that Ichigo can't notice?" Renji asked in disbelief. This just wasn't sinking in. "How is that even possible?"

Urahara actually sounded serious as Rukia approached. "I don't know. But Ichigo's a strange guy, things happen with him before that we didn't know could happen. Maybe he's being blocked out by his own reiatsu."

"What could this mean for him?" Rukia piped in.

"It could mean his hollow could take over without him being able to lift a finger." His gaze lazily drifted to her. "If he isn't made aware of what's going on inside of him, things could take a turn for the worst." His tone was flat, his face blank, this was unlike Urahara.

"How did the hollow even return?" Rukia just wanted to confirm it. "I mean, we returned his powers, but not his hollow to him."

"The hollow is a part of his power. A pretty good portion of it too. It makes sense for it to come back." Urahara now frowned. "What doesn't make any sense to me though, is why it reappeared so late after Ichigo got his powers returned to him."

"Nothing about that boy has ever made any sense to me." Renji grumbled at the store-owner.

Urahara nodded. "He is a very strange boy indeed."

"How can we help him?" Rukia asked, barely keeping the worry and fear out of her voice.

Urahara actually frowned. "I'm not entirely sure if there's anything we can do to help him."

"You should be able to do something!" Rukia shouted in his face. "We can't just abandon him. You're the smartest one here, you should be able to do something."

Urahara backed up, his hands up defensively. "I'm sorry but I really have no idea right now."

Rukia turned and bolted out of the Shoten before either him or Renji could stop her. She was angry at Urahara, at how he couldn't even think of a way to help Ichigo. This was ridiculous. As she ran, not really going in any particular direction, her vision blurred and she felt wetness down her face. Why was she crying? She shook her head and continued running eventually ending up at the edge of Karakura town, on top of a hill. She slunk under a tree and sat down, hoping nobody would find her there. She knew Renji would eventually come find her, but he would leave her alone for a while, which was nice. She didn't want to be around anybody right now.

Ichigo had showed up at the park, had only found Orihime and Tatsuki, and now they were heading for a hill, one on the very edge of Karakura town, but it had a great view. That's where they were going to eat lunch. Ichigo had bought sandwhiches for them all. But as she got to the dirt path that wound up to the very top of the hill, the highest point, he picked up on Rukia's reiatsu. What was she doing here? She was at the very top of the hill.

Orihime seemed to have felt it two. "What is Rukia doing here?"

"I was just wondering the same thing." Ichigo frowned. "Let me go ahead, I'll talk to her." He started jogging up the path, wondering if something was wrong. It didn't take him very long to reach the top of the hill. The minute he got there, he instantly identified exactly where she was. There was a single tree on the edge of the hill and that's where she was sitting. He slowly began approaching but was stopped because she had sensed him.

"Go away Ichigo." She sniffed. "I don't need your pity."

"Actually, I didn't know you were here until we came to the bottom of the hill." He said slowly, not moving. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She snapped at him. "Like I said I don't need your pity. Just leave me alone."

"Rukia you sound upset—"

She whirled around, glaring at him, her purple eyes swollen and red from crying. "I said leave me alone!"

He raised his hands defensively. "Alright, alright I'm leaving." He turned and began walking back down the path of the hill. He'd wanted to help her, but he didn't know how and he probably would have gotten his butt kicked if he'd kept asking her what was wrong.

"Kurosaki-kun." Inoue broke him out of his thoughts as he reached the bottom of the hill. "Is she alright?"

"No, but she wants to be left alone. Let's just go somewhere else." He sighed. "Whatever was wrong, it seemed to really upset her. It looked like she had been crying."

Orihime stared at him in surprise. "She was crying?"

"Yeah, and I've never seen her so upset. But she refuses to say anything about what's wrong so I just…" He shrugged.

He cast a glance over his shoulder as they walked away. _I'm here Rukia, if you need anything. I may be terrible with my words, but I can at least be there for you, if you let me._ He sighed and turned his eyes away as they walked away from the hill, back on the sidewalk, headed back into Karakura town. He was disappointed that he wouldn't talk to her, but at the same time he understood the need to be completely alone. So he would honor her and leave her be.

As they were walking, he noticed Orihime was staring at him funny. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she had a confused look on her face.

He stopped walking and looked at her. "What's wrong Inoue?"

She suddenly shook her head. "Nothing, I wasn't looking at you."

_You idiot you were staring right at me. I saw you. You were not looking past me_. He kept that thought to himself. "Alright then." They continued walking.

As it turned out, it had begun to rain, although they hadn't realized that it had gotten overcast. So Ichigo quickly walked both of the girls home then began heading home himself, trying to hurry since he had nothing to protect himself with from the rain. And he didn't feel like getting drenched.

Rukia continued sitting under the tree, even as it had begun raining. The leaves weren't protecting her very well, so pretty soon she was getting pretty soaked. She pulled her knees up to her chest, shivering, but she didn't feel like moving. In fact, she was kinda glad she was getting drenched; it was helping clear her head, make her calm down. This situation was bad, but there was no use sitting there crying about it when she knew that she had to do something about it. She should have told Ichigo what was happening to him, but she didn't even want to talk to him when he showed up, so she had sent him away, when she shouldn't have. But it was too late to do anything about that now. She just didn't know how to tell him. _Oh hey Ichigo I forgot to mention something. Yeah, you are probably going to die since your hollow returned without you noticing._ She snorted at that thought and shook her head. He probably wouldn't believe her. That was the problem with that boy. He wrote things off he thought weren't true or unimportant. But she had to tell him, and she had to make him believe her somehow. She couldn't lose another friend because of a hollow. That's how she lost Kaien and she couldn't lose Ichigo like that…She closed her eyes. She shouldn't be thinking about that stuff. It would only put her in a worse mood.

She sensed someone coming up and her eyes flew open and of course it was Renji.

"What are you doing sulking under a tree? What happened to not getting distracted?" He asked her, gently but there was anger underlying there.

She rose to her feet, glaring at Renji. "You are such an insensitive twit."

"Eh?" His eyebrow twitched and anger appeared clearly on his face.

"You don't care about what happens to Ichigo." She growled at him. "Do you?"

"I never said that. I may not look like it, I do care what happens to him. He's my friend too…kind of."

"Sure."

"Rukia, we may butt heads a lot, but I know he'd risk his life to save mine and I would do the same. I would never wish death on the kid." Renji sighed. "Urahara is honestly going to see what he can do to help Ichigo but he doesn't think there is anything we can do for him. He'd have to do it for himself."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Ichigo has to save himself." He sighed again. "It's as simple as that."

"But I doubt he'd believe us if we told him his hollow was back. He's dense enough that he hasn't noticed it."

"He wouldn't believe me." Renji sounded serious. "But he'd probably believe you."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because of the relationship he has with you. You two have a close bond and I think that bond might just be the reason his life gets saved."

Rukia crossed her arms over her chest, and stared Renji down for a long minute. Something told her he was right, while something else told her he was just being an idiot. She couldn't decide which one was right, so she just stood there, glaring at the red-head. Renji just glared back, getting really frustrated that he couldn't get through Rukia's thick skull. That's one thing he noticed that Rukia and Ichigo had in common. They both had thick skulls and weren't easily convinced of something. And they were both very short tempered. He wasn't going to mention either one of those to Rukia, because he know he'd get kicked in the face again.

"It doesn't mean he'll listen to me. It takes a lot to get that boy to listen to anybody."

Renji shook his head. "You just don't get it do you?"

A scowl formed on Rukia's face. "I'm going to patrol. I'm tired of this Renji."

She flash stepped away from Renji before he could respond to her. She moved quickly and silently to a place she knew she could observe things well from. The top of Karakura High School. It wasn't the highest point in the town, but it towered above all the houses and that was usually where the majority of the hollow activity always occurred. It also made it easier for her to monitor Ichigo's reiatsu without him knowing that she was doing it. If she had gone to the Clinic he would have gotten suspicious and then if she tried to explain herself he'd only get upset at her and then they would fight. She didn't want to fight with Ichigo. She wanted him to know what was going on, but she knew he wouldn't believe her. _Or maybe he will. You never know_. A tiny voice whispered in her head, but she only shook her head at it. His head was as thick as a rock. He would never listen to her. So she perched on the edge of the roof of the high school, and just waited for something, anything, to happen.


End file.
